Do you have such a person around you: he not only has a good academic performance, but he is also handsome and has a good character. You will also find out other skills that he has when you are talking to him. Perhaps you do not have such a person around, but there is definitely such an outstanding person exists.
Why do outstanding people tend to be good in every way?
1. The happy effect
Not to say that good people are happy, but happiness is the thing everyone’s pursuit. So to understand excellence, first of all, you need to understand happiness.
Not only that. When we have happiness, we become more active in other ways. We will improve our skills in many areas and unwittingly becoming the best people in our eyes.
2. Halo effect
Sometimes the omnipotent people we see are not really omnipotent, but their aura is big enough to hide those small deficiencies. When they have some obvious deficiency in them, we do not see that as a weakness.
Of course, this kind of differential treatment is limited to the idols. If you do not have a bright spot, then your shortcomings will only be more ugly.
3. Resource effects
In addition to the above two points, the outstanding people are excellent often because they have more resources. They also know a lot of outstanding people because of their excellence, and each deeper communication between the excellency may be a mental innovation, so that down outstanding people will become better and better.
Conversations between people are always open from topics of common interest, and when the excellent people talk to other equally excellent people, they may start the conversation on their common interests, and gradually extend to their respective strengths. The process that allows those who may otherwise be far apart from the knowledge, is integrated together, and invisibly creates a larger knowledge framework for them to extend.
All three of the above effects can simply be collectively referred to as the “Matthew Effect”, which is derived from a parable in the Gospel of New Testament Matthew:
Once upon a time, a king would go out for a long trip, and before leaving, he gave each of the three servants a silver, and commanded him, “You go to do business, and when I come back, see me again.” When the king came back, the first servant said, “Master, you have given me a silver, I have earned 10 ingots.” So the king rewarded him with 10 cities. The second servant reported: “Master, you give a silver, I’ve earned 5 ingots. So the king rewarded him with five cities. The third servant reported: “Master, you gave me a silver, I have been wrapped in the handkerchief and never taken it out because of fear of loss.”
Then the king ordered the third servant’s silver to be given to the first servant, and said, “All the less, even all of him, will be taken. All the more, but also to give him, tell him more good.”
Later people used the “Matthew Effect” to compare the better and worse in society. Of course, I mentioned the “Matthew Effect” here is by no means intended for everyone to give up treatment, and while the Matthew effect does provide a clever excuse for those cynics, people who really want to improve will certainly not accept this explanation. So how to become an outstanding person?
To be an outstanding person, you have to start with the above three parts, otherwise I wouldn’t break down the vague term “Matthew effect”. So let me introduce the next how to break the three cycles of the winner.
1. Get happiness
First of all, we want to be happy, so what is happiness?
A: When you have money, you’re happy.
Well, you are right. It would be happier to have money.
A: So how can you have money?
Be an outstanding person!
A: Ok, how can that be good?
It seems that starting from money is not possible. Being happy is also more than money. The most important thing is to obtain high self-esteem, money can get high self-esteem, so money can bring happiness, write articles, others can bring high self-esteem, then others like, I can get happiness.
But these are not their own direct decision of the matter, want to rely on this way to get high self-esteem is too difficult, not easy to operate. So what’s the best way to do that?
I have just 3 practical ways to hype here, and if you stick to it, you will feel happy.
a. Helping others
Happiness is often not independent, and is not snatched from others. It is a contagious spread of resources. When you get happiness does not mean that someone will lose happiness. Happiness is often in the same time when you get, someone with you will aslo benefit.
Helping others is a great way to get happiness, and when we help others we feel that we have value. When we get smiles from others, we will also be ecstatic. If you often reach out to others, you will become more cheerful and confident. When others reach out to you, make sure to say thank you and return with a smile “thank you”. Let them also feel the joy of helping others.
It is worth mentioning that helping others is not to let you be a fake kind person. A fake kind person is often difficult to harvest self-esteem, then what is a fake kind person? It’s easy to tell if you’re a fake kind person. When we meet something that we can’t do, or don’t want to do, but don’t reject the other, this is a bad person.
When it comes to things you don’t want to do or you can’t do, it’s best to refuse it decisively. Don’t think about whether it’s rude to do so. If it will make everyone not happy, it’s better not to do that “good thing”.
b. Success Diary
The Success Diary aims to boost self-confidence by recording my achievements on a daily basis.
Get a blank notebook, write “success diary” on the cover or on the first page.
Then, write down all the achievements so far, whether big or small, and from now on, you have to remember put some achievements in a book every day. It is best to set a limit every day, such as five achievements a day, and these five are preset bottom line. Every day can never be less than five. Of course, more is better. If you think five a day is too difficult, then you can set a different number. The most important thing is to ensure that you complete the task every day.
This record improves your self-confidence. On the other hand, you have to take the initiative to do something, so it also invisibly urged yourself to make changes. After you record a period of time, look over again, and you will find that you have been so strong. You can start to do things that can not be done before. You will also believe more in the future.
c. Lower the standard
Every success record in the success diary is trivial, but it is such a trivial thing that, like a snowball rolling down a hill, turns into a great destructive force. Lowering standards are essentially similar to success journals. Success diaries are the records, and lowering standards are the driven force.
Lowering the standard is to lower the standard of your own completion goals, although there is a saying that step by step compression of their dreams, will eventually become ordinary. But if the goal is too ambitious, then it is such a dream which will not come true for a long time. So abandon perfectionism. Complete the task first, then make it perfect. In the process, please believe that compressed dreams are ultimately needed to be recovered, but if you don’t take the first step, you can’t move forward.
Many times we are unhappy because we have too much expectation of our own. The greater the expectation, the greater the blow when it fails. To be happy, you must first set a lower standard to complete the task first, so that there will be a motivation to move forward.
2. Fade the halo
Halo, can also be said to be the collective label of the positive bar. The halo is very strong. It lets people to have reasons to keep upward, but the halo also has side effects. Some people’s psychological tolerance is relatively poor. They think they must be perfect. They fight for everything and do the best for everything, and that is right.
But if that person accidentally makes a mistake, he will be easy to doubt everything with him, doubt whether he is a liar, doubt whether he should not bear this aura, and sometimes even see on their own strengths and weaknesses as garbage altogether.
In fact, even if a person is strong enough, they will still make mistakes. If your own merits are big enough, in the eyes of others your fault is irrelevant. So when the halo is added do not care too much about the existence of the halo, not to feel that they are not worthy of it.
If you do not have a halo of your own, or even negative labels, then you should learn to use psychological cues to add labels to yourself. Many people will say I can’t do this, I can’t do that. In short, all kinds of I can’t do is to highlight their own specialty. But that at the same time bound their hands and feet bound. Other people’s labels are the same too. Too care about other people’s comments, or maliciously speculate about someone else’s behavior, will only end up being tied to the label.
Let oneself do something, you must label yourself a positive label. For example, if you are very easy to be angry with, you should tell yourself every day “I am a patient person and love laughing”. At the next time when you encounter angry, it will edify you replaced it with a gentle smile and say “it doesn’t matter.”
3. Strive for resources
Strive, that is, take the initiative to attack. Take the initiative to attack is a very practical skill. People who always take the initiative to fight will always be luckier than others, and will always get more support from others. People who are similar in strength can be more succeed because of luck. In fact, luck, in the end is whether you are active to take the initiative or not.
The communication method mentioned in the book Nonviolent Communication is to make the other party understand you and reach consensus by expressing feelings and requests, and smart people know how to express their feelings and make demands, stupid people will only rely on complaining, hoping to get the other side to understand, so that not only will not get help, but easily create estrangement, so that the original relationship, morefurther run-down.
It’s true that you’re not going to let go of everyone, you’re fully committed to yourself, he just wants you to see that when you ask someone for help, others reject you, right, but many people take it to isolate yourself and stand alone,The belief of being alone, everywhere offends people, so that even if you climb high one day, it is difficult to get people, and even, easy to be pulled from the throne.
Socializing is a skill. Even if you don’t have much connection doesn’t mean you don’t know how to socialize. Otherwise, even if you are working in a high position, you’ll still find it hard to get to know others, because most people don’t follow you just because of your success. If you know how to deal with people, you’re likely to climb above what you currently own, and here are three basic social principles, and if you can be flexible, you’ll be a popular person:
a. Let the wind shine
People are always willing to get along with people who can speak for themselves, if you always interrupt when other people talk or always make people feel bad, then over time, no one will stay with you. On the contrary, if you always praise them, then they will always be willing to stay with you.
Humility doesn’t make you flinch when you get the chance, or it makes you look down upon it. The true humility is to make you humble in your manners to talk, not to brag, and to be flat to communicate.
3. Dissolve embarrassment
The first two are compulsory skills, this one is more advanced because I am not very good at this skill, but I see many successful people do it very well.
There are two very common ways to resolve embarrassment. One way is when someone is embarrassed, you and the other side get into this awkward situation, so as to resolve the embarrassment. Another way is to self-deprecating, say some of your own anecdotes, to mediate the awkward atmosphere.
These are the three basic laws of interpersonal communication, but don’t expect to use these three laws to build contacts. If you cannot provide resources for others, then whether you can get the high-level people’s support can only rely on “luck”.
The outstanding people are not necessarily perfect, but the incompetent can be nothing. Don’t worry too much when you find yourself in any way that you can’t catch up with those good people. If they want to move forward, the gap between you and them is likely to grow. But so what. When you focus on your improvement, then you’ve already been better than many people.